I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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