Where is the hickey?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
