sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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