I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize