rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize