I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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