Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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