She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
