then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
