I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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