I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
