"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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