Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
