their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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