nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
