She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
