at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
3pm strippers are depressing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Alive.
So much puke
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
