This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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