a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
