when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
