hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize