yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
