we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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