Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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