I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
