my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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