I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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