he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
