Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
