Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
