that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
