I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
