hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
