So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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