Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
