Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
