Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
