I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
