Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize