what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
