I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drake has all the answers
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize