I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
