it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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