is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Send help, water and tortillas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
