just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
