i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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