And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
