You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
