the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
