i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
