Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
