Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize