Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
