i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
