so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
smell my finger.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
