he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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