I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Randomize