: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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