What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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