got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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