Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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