I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
