I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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