I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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