I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize