I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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