Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
