life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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