its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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