pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
