Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
