we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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