Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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