there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
