First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
