Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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