My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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