Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
