I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
