how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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