put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
