People in love make me want to vomit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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