do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
