I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
