you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
