My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
