he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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